Maybe it's because of where I live, Canada's fattest City but I'm beginning to feel like I'm on an endangered species list. Obesity is the rule of the land here.

As I stood, Suit Clad awaiting the Walk light at the Corner of Spring Garden Road I looked around. I was surrounded by 3 or 4 people, 2 of whom were at least twice my weight. I'm not sure how much time passed, but it was an uncomfortably long time. I didn't catch myself staring.

I was looking around, amazed at how they all looked alike. They obviously weren't related, but their facial features, specifically their noses looked identical.

The man felt my gaze and turned looking at me as if to say "what are ya staring at skinny?" But the light changed, and I skipped across the street under the chirp of the sight impairment aid. "Try and catch me fatty!" I felt like shouting behind me as I moved across the street with speed he hadn't had since birth.

I began to think as I walked toward my destination, Why are all their noses the same? Why are they all smooshed against their faces? Has anyone studied this?

Maybe the skin, or "casing" of the nose can't expand fast enough as the person gains weight and it just kinda deforms and falls back into the face. You know, it would be something like putting too much water in a water balloon, it kinda expands outward instead of getting longer. But then I thought again. Fat people don't really have fat noses as much as just squished noses.

Maybe it was a result of having Fat cheeks. Do their cheeks present a compressive load on their nose structure that just can't be resisted? Hence, forcing a failure and deformation of the nose resulting in it's smooshness. Nope, couldn't be this either. The noses almost look like they've been punched, squished inward, somewhat like a pug nose, a piglet's nose even. A cheek crushing would just collapsed it inward, making it's width smaller,but you see, the width of a fat persons nose is much greater than the normal nose.

So, Finally I had it. Serendipity. I looked up from my daze to the ongoing construction across the parking lot, popping a piece of sugar free gum in my mouth. I switched to nerd mode, It was Incredible how much steel they had sorted from the pile of rubble. But then my view was eclipsed. Passing between me and that deconstruction/construction lot was a person of considerable girth, Muffin in hand. That muffin disappeared.

That was it! They're noses are squished! They do get pushed and punched in! Imagine how they got fat. A fat person jams as many cheeseburgers, cupcakes, pies, pizza slices, hot dogs or Handfuls of fries in their "gob" as fast as they can. It's how they get fat.

Imagine if the burger or the cupcake is too big, It can't fit in their mouth. But they certainly still eat it, I mean, leaving a cheeseburger to waste because it can't fit in one's mouth is a blimpo's nightmare, so they stuff it in, they make it fit in their mouth. The cheeseburger overflows around their lips, impacting their nose. Imagine doing this a 100 times, a thousand times, every time you eat! You're nose can't take that many slams as you dunk the junk into your cake hole. It smooshes!

So, next time you reach for that hotdog or you want to sign up for that pie eating competition, remember, it's not only your waistline that's gonna burst, your pretty little face is gonna be bulldogasized.

Be civilized for the sake of your face. If it doesn't fit in your mouth, use a knife, cut it down to size, For the love of a normal nose.