It's so cold here that my shivers now consume my dreams. Last night my dream included my blankets. Santa had brought them and they had controls on them that looked as if they'd been lifted off the arm rest of an airline's coach seat. There were a couple of arrows and a digital readout, all controlling and detailing the heat provided by the blanket. Amusingly enough, the glow from the readout didn't keep me from falling asleep; I've always had issue with the glow from my alarm clock.

Right now, strangely enough I'm lying in bed, far from sleep with my mind so full of thought that a CT scan would probably resemble the Christmas tree I labored with earlier today. My thoughts may even resemble the bulbs on that Christmas tree, each having its descriptive color: red, purple, orange, green, blue, gold, faint faint white,....

• What would it be like to have a Kiss at New Years I cared about for once?
• What would it be like if Kettle drums played to the footsteps of the particularly pompous?
• What would it be like to say 'Fuck it' and just make my trip to the West Coast Happen?
• Could I have really made good on my Threat to Join the Royal Navy?
• Why are eyes so hypnotic and can you really tell if a person is lying from them?
  
• Is a $1000 enough of a budget to get the paintings/pictures I want/need to have on the walls of my apartment?
• Have I misplaced my faith? It's been a while since I've looked into the Eye of God with my telescope.
  

.... And that may be just the tip of the arrow. The arrow which is sticking out of my chest. The arrow that blindsided me as soon as I stepped off that plane on Friday. The one that slides a little further in everyday. It may be yet another accepted part of the life I have which is ever so dangerously intertwined with a cosmic amount of complication.

Maybe.... Just maybe I will say 'Fuck it'.
..Or would that be too crazy?
and the process which keeps me from sleeping starts anew.