I have so much energy.
Maybe it's because I awoke from 10 hours of sleep, such a rarity now.
Or maybe it's because I awoke with thoughts of where I am going' and not thoughts of 'where am I'

Then a conversation splashed into my mind from 2 days ago.

"I'm so full of energy today!"

"Oh really? I am kind of tired. Why are you so energetic today?"

"Because.."

"Because?"

"Because I am excited."

"For?.." I said, pushing a little harder, curious to know.

"I'm excited for the future... I feel like it's going to be full of adventure."

So this must have been what happened...

This Feeling, It is a restoration of faith in the fact that every day forward from this one will be better than the last, and that the evolution of happiness will never end. - anonymous

"So what's your job?"

"Oh, me?!" I asked, then switched and answered. "I'm a deambusher"

"A what?"

"I'm the guy who gets ambushed."

"I Don't understand."

"Oh." I said, understanding his misunderstanding. "You see, I walk ahead and get ambushed. It's safe back here because I trigger the traps."

"ahhhh..... ooooooh" He said, his eyes suddenly widening, confusion melting away. "Are you any good?"

"I'm the best."

"Really?"

"Ya. I can even feel it coming. But... Still I walk right into it. I set it off.. take the fall... and keep the rest of everyone safe."

"The rest of everyone?"

"Ya.. everyone else.. or atleast what's left of everyone."

"Christ. Doesn't sound to pleasant... but tell me something. How'd you get into this?"

"Easy. I just walked into it."

"Very Funny."

"No... for real serious." I said, no hint of a smile. "When so many are so determined there's an ambush everywhere. You can avoid one and walk into another... So I figured.. What the hell.. I'll capitalize."

"I see." He said, slowly backing away. Not taking his eyes off me.

"..not good." I said, the dizziness not going away, the cramping starting up, my head feeling as if it was full of worms.

"What!?" He said, coming back toward me.

"Run!"
---

I woke up...
maybe taking naps in an over caffinated state is not a good idea.

"Nice bow tie"

So last night spun out of control.

After a delightful 2.5 hours spent in a marathon of Song and Worship I was dropped by my little brother at the closest corner store, where after a quick procurement of 6 cans of the #1 Canadian beer in the world, I launched myself into a foray with alcoholism.

I'm not exactly sure what happened.
My cellphone produced a record of several Text messages fired off during my memory Failure.
I awoke this morning, rolled in my beddings, still wearing my clothes and jacket.
Strangely, I remember vaguely a dream about being very warm.

But It's Easter.
Which also translates into, It is time for me to defend my undisputed Title of Champion Easter Egg hunter against all willing sub-adult particpants.
My 25th Consecutive Victory drew Near.

And despite all assurances, teasing, poking, tickling, and intimidation, my Easter Egg Hunting Dynasty was shattered.

Not even by my brother.
But by a Witty 7 (almost 8) year old.

While I lay comatose, she had been up since dawn, prowling the house, scouting all the egg locations.
Then when I awoke, I walked straight into her trap.

Grand Totals:

• My brother: 31
• My Cousin: 46
• me: 37
  

My defeat is indefensible. My domination devasted by an 8 year old :)
Now can someone tell me, when did the Easter Bunny Start bringing Bicycles?
And it's not even made out of Chocolate!
My jealousy knows no bounds.
My childhood, so black and white compared to the technicolor of my Cousin's.
I wish I had been... I wish I was spoiled.

That's it for Easter.
Now it's off to the airport.

I'm home for Easter.
WEll, by home I mean my family home, in the place I grew up.
It's just an hour and a half jet powered hop away from real home.

Something strange is happening this time though.
I'm here and I'm uneasy.
I'm not feeling the friction of reintegration into a contained family unit.

I love seeing my parents, my brother and as always I love seeing my friends. But there is a haunting reality about it all.

"You're no spring chick anymore Colum."

Those words bit into me last week. I had been walking down the Boardwalk of 'Home' at lunch during a momentary escape from work. A talk occured that was very personal. Dreams, opinions, and worst of all, some plans started to spill out through my professionalism filter.

Though a laugh had followed the words and no harm had been intended, it did hurt.
It was true.
So I went back from my lunch and sat in my office.
I spun round in my chair for a few circles. Grey, spotted and flared with posters, postcards, and post-its swirled by.
I pulled out the extension to my desk surface. A yellow note pad and a yellow wooden pencil. I began scribbling.
I pulled out my calculator.
I started doing the math of a dream.
It's Very hard math.... It's very emotional. It's all the harder to conduct a logical operation when emotional "clouding" occurs.

So here I am now, parachuted so very far away from work. In a place of complete comfort and safety, waiting for Sunday to come. I'm thinking about the math I did, I'm thinking the thoughts I thought. All the while thinking the same thoughts that are tied so deeply to these numbers and plans.

How many more Easters will I be coming back for?
How much longer until I feel that pull to go somewhere else for Easter?
When will it be that I will want to go somewhere else more often.

The answer is too clear.
Perhaps startling so;

Soon.
But not sooner than Sunday.
Sunday Afternoon... just after 5.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'll actually be at the airport to leave when monday morning finally arrives.

I jumped.

Last night,
separated by water,
hot and cold.

I can't see the bottom...
But, I can feel it.

And that's probably more important,
People see things all the time.

It fooled me at first.

When the plane lifted off and sunbathed, snowless Halifax Dropped away below me I felt a chill.
A sudden torrent of excitment shocked my frame. I shuddered in my seat, no doubt drawing some undue attention from the larger gentlemen sitting in the middle and outside.
At the window seat I looked at every complication dropping far away, every obstacle becoming consumed by brilliantly white clouds. Leaving me alone. Leaving me free to think about everything that lay ahead.

Soon I was in the clear, blue everywhere, white below, black above and gold straight ahead.
"It's this easy?" I thought to myself... Of Course I was fooling myself.
I had tricked myself into thinking that I understood how I felt.
I had made myself believe, "I'm actually doing this." and it was as simple as that thought.
I had failed to realized that my body had absolutely no understand of what was going on. It was unprepared, sleep deprieved, over stressed, and misinformed.

For the next hour and 20 minutes I cruised toward what I believed I was ready for.
We circled the city I love, still buried in snow, surrounded by Ocean and looking as beautiful as ever.
Approaching from over the cliffs, we effortlessly soared across the last barrier and the plane skidded to a stop.

I worked my way through a surprisingly crowded airport.
Down the escalator, being careful not to push as I weaved between the people not suffering from intolerable excitement.

I turned the corner and bright eyed smile caught me front on.
I almost stumbled. My legs went weak.
The Reality of the situation had finally, unforgivingly smashed into me.
I had done it.
I had crossed every obstacle I said I was going to. I had brought us together.
A last chill raced through me and my hands began to shake.
Then in a split second I warmed, my hands we steadied from their shake, as we embraced.

I'd never known what it was like to be greeted at the airport by someone other than family before. I'd only ever seen it.
But now, finally, I understood everything.

My level of happiness soared passed 500 on our now obsolete 100 point scale.

With my bag in hand, you beside, we walked toward the rotating doors.
This was incredible.

The whirlwind wasn't here yet.
But it was surely coming.
.. and when it picks me up, I won't be in kansas anymore
.. and I won't care where it drops me as long as it doesn't drop me alone.

[5 minutes ago]

"Hey"

I turned around, forgetting the fight to get my key in the door. My hands Trembling.

"What are you doing up?" Issac asked.

"I'm just getting back." I said.

"You missed CSI. It was awesome!" My face flushed red. I had totally forgotten to cancel one appointment, luckily It hadn't been my turn to host.

"Shit! I'm so sorry Issac." I said, knowing he was the kind of person to take this very personally. "Someone very dear to me arrived in town, I had to see them, I dropped everything to see her."

His scowl softened. He smiled. "What are you doing home then?" He said, the smiling now broadening.

"I'm going to pack" I said Unamused and noticing the beer bottle in his hand, I turned around, returning to the fight with my door.

The door next to him opened wider. Sam stumbled out into the corridor, obviously drunk. "Packing?!"

"Ya" I said, not turning around. Finally the door unlocked.

"Ladies and Gentlemen.... He's Getting ready to run."

"Sorry I missed the show guys. I've gotta be up early. I'll see you tomorrow." I said, quickly opening the door, then closing it behind me and locking it.

[BEEP BEEP]

In the dark of my unlit apartment my cellphone glowed.
I read the sms message in response to my own.
Once... Twice... Three times.... over and over...

"I like being with...."

I smiled, thinking to myself. 'Yeah, he's getting ready to run alright.... Clear across the world...'

Buckle up.
Here comes the whirlwind.

Lunch Represents something terrific for me. It is my temporary reprieve from hell and today it was especially important. Today lunch provided me with a way to cope with the sudden and unexpected fact that my Separation from someone of great importance had been extended another 24 hours....

While sucking the last bit of chocolate milk through my straw an 'exchange occurred.'

"Did you just fucking see that?" He said.

"HuH? See what?" I said. I had been straining to look inside my milk carton to assess the fill level.

"That guy is the coolest guy in this city!"

"What?!" I said, now panicked. It had been Juno weekend, I immediately interpreted this seriously spoken statement as the presence of a possible lingering celebrity.
We stopped, I quickly turned around, gawking left, right, up and down the sidewalk.

"Who?" I said, I don't see anyone.

"There!" I followed the arm; the point. My jaw literally dropped. It wasn't even a Sunny day.

"What?! That fucking Nut job?" I said, possibly much too loudly.

"Ya Him!"

"What?! He is wearing 3D fucking glasses!" I said.

"I know! It's awesome! 3D glasses and a business suit!"

"You fucking moron. Do you think he is seeing everything in 6D now? Maybe 9D" I said, my rant triggered. A venting of the day's sum of stress and frustration had begun.

[no answer]

"He is obviously retarded. It's not a fashion statement! They are paper glasses with plastic lenses! His Mom probably dressed him. Hell his mom is probably calling the cops now looking for him! He probably escaped from whatever sponge bathing he was getting and thought the 3D glasses he watches cartoons with will make him see better. He's probably wearing the fucking glasses just so it appears as if every bitch wearing blue and red now is jumping at him. I can definitively say that guy is a loser. wait... not just a loser... A total fucking loser."

THe Walk light changed and we crossed to the front of work, I strode back through the gates of... THe Silence had lasted for quite some time now. I had been catching my breath.

"You done?" He said.

"Actually" I said. "Ya, I think I am." My heart rate returning to its impressive rest rate.

"Feel better?"

" a little."

"Just a little bit?"

"Give me 24 hours." I said, smiling at the thought.
It had been an eventful morning.

On a Cloudy day,
I found a piece of sandstone,
the cornerstone of what would soon be my mighty empire.

But of course, in the desert, the sun is bright, the heat intense, and the mirages plentiful.
I held onto that stone, never willing to let go. I defended it against all attacks, fixed its chips and polished its blemishes.

So square,
so flat,
so level,
so perfect.
Soon to be the cornerstone upon which pride would be built.

Finally, I found a tool with which to carve.
I started with the date of creation.
I began to work, slowly at first,
chipping, filing... Carefully etching each inch.
Slowly the date, then the name,
each mark the birth of an empire formed.

There was a Pitter,
Then a Patter.
Then as deception would have it, there was No Warning.
Slowly the drumming on the ground grew.
My clothes grew heavy with the rain.
I shouted, there was no answer.

I clung to my stone and ran toward a door.
As I neared, the color changed.
I pounded at the door, crying for an answer.
None Came. All moved. Everything Empty.

I stood in the downpour, My stone dissolving in my hands.
Mud snaked down my arms, dripping from my fingers, staining my shoes.

With nothing around, I was left holding a pitted, jagged, eroded and broken dream.
I walked out into the emptiness, not letting go, not looking back at the unopened door.

Only steps later I came across a spot.
I planted my cornerstone turned gravestone into the ground.
The cemetery of dreams.
Plot after Plot of buried visions, neglected hopes, and dead ambitions.
Too much to bare, nothing to look at, I turned and walked away.
I walked for sometime, not stopping, not slowing, looking, just not knowing...

On a sunny day,
I found a piece of Marble,
The bone of a dinosaur lay to its side.
I sat, smiled, and carved,
This mark to stay. This mark to stand.